Let a man earn the affection that you feel for him.
Now, I am not I saying that you can’t feel excited and passionate, just make sure that he is consistently earning it.
-Is he returning your calls every single time?
-Is he making time for you on the weekends?
-Is he sharing important details about his personal life with you?
-Does he flirt with other women in your presence?
Be very honest with yourself, and don’t deceive yourself in these initial stages!
Sometimes we just want to be in love, and it’s just easier to flow with the emotions rather than using our heads.
But if you don’t pay attention to signs, and if you don’t let him earn the affection that you are starting to feel, the signs that you miss are going to bite you in the butt.
Why make a man earn your affections?
Because it gives you an opportunity to really see if he sincerely likes you, and wants to put in the work to be with you.
Passionate kisses, sexy banter, pricey dinners with red wine — that’s not work. That’s play! For a man, putting in the hard work means being consistent, speaking with honesty, becoming loyal, rooting for you, and including you in his life.
Once your new guy has earned your heart by being present and doing these things, then you can fall straight into his arms.
You’ll know he’ll catch you.
What are other ways your partner can show his appreciation? Let us know in the comments below!
Figure out who you are first
Whether you are waiting for the right one to come along, or are just taking a break from the endless online dating apps, it is important to practice self-care to help you live a happier and more fulfilling life in your singlehood.
What makes you happy? Whether it’s dancing at the club, Sunday brunch and market with friends, taking a hike in the local hills, or making your favorite dessert just for you, you deserve to feel good about yourself.
With all the trials of of life, it can be easy to forget that we are responsible for how good or bad our day turns out. Sure, we might come across some bad news, but ultimately, we decide how we will take it and what we will do with it.
It all starts with making a conscious decision. Do you want today to be better than yesterday? Make it so.
Make the choice and learn how to handle the situation so that you can make the most of what is within your control for optimal outcome.
Stop Comparing or Creating a Fantasy
This is where many of us fall. It can be hard to appreciate what we have when it seems lackluster in comparison to the next person. But remember that your life is different from anyone else’s. Your best friend might be in what seems to be a happy relationship. But that doesn’t mean you need to look at what everyone else has and compare it against what you don’t.
The bottom line is: Your journey is unique. It is yours. Instead of focusing on others around you, choose to develop a stronger, healthier relationship with yourself.
It might sound strange to think of yourself this way, but the sooner you realize how much control you have over your life, the sooner you’ll feel able to change the things that you don’t like and maximize the things that you do.
Feeling crummy about “eating bad” over the weekend? Make sure next week’s meals are planned so it doesn’t happen again.
Recently discover your fear of public speaking? Join a group to practice speeches with to reinforce your confidence the next time you have a presentation.
All of these are ways we can learn to become more comfortable in our own skin.
Your relationship with yourself is the most constant relationship you’ll ever keep, simply because you can’t avoid it! And truth be told, it can also be the most fun relationship because it’s all about you! And only you know what makes you happy at any given time.
AFFIRM YOURSELF INSTEAD OF LOOKING TO SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU.
If you’re anything like me, you might enjoy a compliment every now and again. But don’t forget that you can compliment yourself!
Sure, the opinions of family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers carry their own pressures. But if you please every single person you meet, and do not find yourself satisfied with who you are and what you’ve done, it’s all for naught.
This is why it’s so important to establish a solid relationship with yourself.
We are always changing as people, so it may be a bit of a challenge to grasp and answer the question of who you are and what matters to you. But part of finding the right partner is knowing yourself.
Unless you know who you are, how can you know what partner is ideal? If you do not know what you value and what brings you joy, how can anyone else know and deliver it?
In addition to these tactics, jot down a list of what you will and will not do in your season of singleness. For example, if you usually hang out with friends who are in relationships and talk frequently about theirs, limit your time with them. Or, if you don’t usually read posts that suggest how to navigate your singlehood and how to live your best life, try to. You might learn something and it could very well open doors.
So what are you going to do differently now? Let us know in the comments below!
Comments
57 responses to “What You Must Do Before Falling In Love…”
I love that you shared this, unfortunately most women don’t know this.
This is true…….. unfortunately I had to learn the hard way……being hurt multiple times, having my heart broken, or falling too hard too soon…..thanks Kim….
I believe that goes on both sides. For most women don’t deserve to be with a good man because they just don’t know how to treat him.
Thanks for the tip because we really don’t stop and take the time to consider the things you just pointed out. If I had maybe,I could have saved myself some heartache when I thought I found the man of my dreams and married him. Keep the tip coming Elise.
Just want to keep reading more and getting advice
This is so true. Too many of us rush into graining a man’s heart w\o first letting him win yours by actually deserving it. Tread lightly and see where it takes you otherwise you’ll be sadly disappointed if you give your all and what’s returned to you is less than expected.
Fabulous piece…love the advice, its precise and straight to the point
A couple of other things I would look at are, how does he treat his mother or other women in his life. How does he handle stress and pressure? Does he lash out, get drunk or high, retreat? Warning, warning, warning! How long has he been on his job, can he hold it down, or does he fly from job to job. Does he respect or reject authority? If he has kids, what is his relationship know ship like with them? Does he pay child support, but more importantly, is he a Daddy, spending time? Just a few things I look at in addition to the things mentioned.
My answers is no to all of the questions… I know that it’s time to move on.
Nice!!! Lots of women can benefit from this advice. Love your site Kimberly.
This is so true a man has to earn it from me im not to quick to fall for anything thank you Kimberly Elise
Thank you
I really love this, this is a good way to love and how to go by it the right way and very helpful for us young women whos fallen in love or who have thought they had fallen in love
Hi mrs elise I have been hurt alot I am hearing and imperial person my name yshawne I am single mother of three children my daughter is grown I have two sons to raises I have been in a serious abuse relationship all the names calling I couldn’t understand why mens mistreated me .my children father’s passed away 12 year ago and then I started dating again it end with the abuse I almost lost my life I decided to not date for awhile .it took me 6 years let a man come inmy life. So I gave myself away to god to send me someone who can love me for who I am .not what I am
I really agree. That’s real talk for real life. We women need to wake up and stop throwing our hearts to every man that comes along so quickly. Been there, done that but no more !!!!
Well i say to. Get a test for all disease. Make sure he not married. And the big test no sex before married. If can do Gods law. He may all right
It’s so true
I would request HIS test
Very interesting and true. Just reading through and I agree with all the points made. Thanks!
The same is true for woman as well,…not just for men only
My boyfriend and I are dating close to two years now and I watch him like a hawk trying to observe his every move. I test him on so many levels and he doesn’t even know. Kimberly thanks for the encouragement keep on inspiring others… btw a love you very much!!
Well said, KimberlyElise!!! As I was navigating from FB to here I was trying to guess what that first thing would be and I said “Love Yo’Self!!” And honestly, your advice expounds on this principle. I appreciate ur saying lovingly what many of us need to hear whether we are in relationship or not. The concept of never being lonely if we love whose company we are in when we’re alone is appropriate here.
Namaste
Thank you
I feel it is important to believe men. When a person shows how they really are, believe them- not what you want to believe, but what really is. Also before entering into a relationship with another person, make sure you have a solid relationship with yourself.
I agree with this so much I just wish I would have seen this about two yrs ago lol but I’ve learned a good lesson and will not make the same mistakes again thank you for this out was much needed:)))
I agree with this so much I just wish I would have seen this about two yrs ago lol but I’ve learned a good lesson and will not make the same mistakes again thank you for this it was much needed:)))
You have to be capatible to make a relationship work!
Great advice. I’ve been widowed and it’s so scary being single again. While I would love to find love again, I’m very cautious. Thank you for reminding me that although I may be lonely, I still deserve the best. 🙂
Words of wisdom… You will certainly have many years of being in a very rewarding relationship…
What if you just recently lost your job and met a really nice guy, should you wait until you are working and then date or continue to date and tell the guy your situation?
Really live your site ,lots of good relationship tips. Must read for women.
I have a guy ive been dating almost two weeks now he has taken me and my kids out having fun time he seems to b a good buy but he is coming on strong about having sex i do like him but for some reason i dnt feel passion with him he is more then a friend but i dnt want to have sex with him what do i do please help
you should never feel pressured…make him wait until you feel comfortable…your body is a temple and he should respect that!
Thanka so much for this. So needed at this time. I wish I had this advice earlier.
My biggest concern is if a man is willing to get on his knees to pray and give reverence to God/ Creator/ the universal entity much greater than himself or ego. If so than God will reveal who I am and he would want to love me as God loves him and he loves himself…..
I have realized as a woman over the years I did not love myself so I simply authorized permission for others to treat me the same. I believe we should all take some accountability in how relationships may fall to the waist side. No beat up session just acknowledgment and the willingness to be ” good” to one another, just because we are human beings and it is the right thing to do….
So wonderful. Also follow your gut. Does he seen selfish with you. Does he require all of your attention over you giving attention to your loved ones.
For a man, putting in the hard work means being consistent, speaking with honesty, becoming loyal, rooting for you, and including you in his life. My husband is doing all of those things, but yet I believe he is cheating with a women that knows for a fact he is married. People just can’t be trusted anymore. Women don’t care about the man being married. He isn’t innocent by a long shot, but women make cheating to easy for these married men.
We do have a tendency to blame the 3rd party don’t get me wrong she is in the wrong, but she didn’t make a vow to you he did. Don’t go easy on him make him work, speak calmly about your suspicions, suggest that you a couple see a counselor. Marriage is hard and finding someone to commit to should warrant some work. We as woman invest totally and if he is willing to do the work to reaffirm his commitment then you both win. Please consult The Father he will not give you something he has not equipped you to handle.
Side note Not all men cheat – I haven’t find him yet…lol but hopeful.
If you believe that he’s cheating, then speaking with honesty, becoming loyal, and including you in his life are not qualities that he possesses. One cannot cheat and be honest and loyal at the same time.
…The OTHER WOMEN DONT CARE about the MAN bein MARRIED becz APPARENTLY the MAN DOES’NT CARE that HE is MARRIED (to be STEPPIN OUT in the first place on his spouse)!!… I mean COME ON NOW ladies!, let’s put (the) BLAME WHERE blame is DUE! #IJS ,-)
If he is being honest, loyal, and rooting for you then he is not cheating, its in your emotions. If he is cheating then he is not being honest, consistent, loyal, or rooting for you. He is thinking about his desires. In a relationship both individuals have to work daily fill the void within the other. Which means your priority is foremost your mate, not yourself or other things, people, etc.
So true but for me have one problem oncr a man lies to me at first anything else it’s a lies I can’t trust my husband n I love him do much please help…
Katrina just hold off on becoming the “couple” I believe men tell us who they are and we fail to listen we make excuses….etc but the one thing we need to do is state up front I expect you to continue all this “if” we become a couple, if this is just your representative with all the show let me know when the real you show up so I can make an informed decision.
to be honest with you, I think you over reacted. Things happen, and we need to learn to let time pass a little while before we react.
Yes that sounds sweet. I wonder what a man should expect from a woman?
dear leave his sorry ass if he wont crawl back begging for you to forgive him for making you so pissed off and worried then he doesn’t love you.Let him go and be patient don’t be in a rush to act wait and see how things play out…..Besides we know men like doing the chasing and the pleading is part of the thrill so don’t ruin the thrill for him..that is if he is into you.
PRETTY PLEASE use your common sense don’t let a few lines throw you off your game. For example how and when did he get your number after he lost his phone and if he had it written or memorized why didn’t he call you immediately to tell you that he lost his phone…like i said use your deductive skills and be sure to understand why he did what he did…..
Speak to older experience woman who are wise and use their experience. Your emotions are as fluid as water in the ocean, use wisdom as your anchor. Age does not define character though with age characters should be more define. A person who is telling you all you want to hear usually want something you have. Once they get it, they make like David Copperfield.
Fall in love with the character of an individual not their empty promises or sweet words that moves. Love is patient so its takes time.
Sweet words are like icing on a cake, it makes it look good and taste sweet but if the cake does not taste good then icing will not help. Ask yourself if you would rather have the icing or the cake? your answer will determine what you should look for.
Thank you Kimberly. That was so much very important information. I truly appreciate your advice. It was very much needed.
Tray
Kimberly, thanks for covering the basics.. I realize that we all have things on our list that take priority; however, I understand that you’re setting the stage. I appreciate you taking time from your schedule to mentor! Period…. Some women didn’t learn this at home, speaking of self. My mother/father didn’t teach me how to choose. Experience taught me…. Keep feeding us… We can use!
Great advice. You’re information really helped me a lot. I’m a young writer trying to become an author. I like writing love stories. But like I said, very great advice Ms. Elise and I enjoy the movies you act in, I hope Tyler Perry makes more movies and include you in them.
Well said!
Love it! Great advice.
Yes!!!!!
wow! this was perfect, although i believe you left out the part where this man has to have some sort of spiritual discipline, in my case he must put God first because if i am going to date this man with the purpose of getting married to him, we must be equally yoked.
hi Elise, just a quick question………. does the perfect man have to be tall, dark and handsome? you sound a bit shallow, i know a lot of great men who in despite there physical looks are great men.
Really, Lisa! You’re going there! Shallow, it’s a figure of speech, nothing absolute. If you like chubby and stubby, the same rules apply. Geech!
Hello. impressive job. I did not imagine this. This is a excellent story. Thanks!